I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
