Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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