The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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