Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
