kristin has been a bad kristin
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
