i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
