I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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