So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
