I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
