Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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