Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The uberlube is also flammable
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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