I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
