i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
