your thong is hanging out like whoa
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wish my penis had a tongue
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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