I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
