Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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