Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
