you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Randomize
