why didn't you poke me back
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
