That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
