His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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