Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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