and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
