i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
