dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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