Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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