the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
