Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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