Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
