all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
