I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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