i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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