Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
