I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
