Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
