hell yes lets make some ravioli
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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