Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Houston, we have a squirter
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
