dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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