Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
