some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
