That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
