Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
