can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
