what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
