I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
