Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's blow job season.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
