I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
