He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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