I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
