that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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