If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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