my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
