I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
