I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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