Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
