I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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