dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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