last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
