Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
