I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
