I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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