i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize