When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
