He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize