Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
