Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
