I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
