member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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